The Miracle Sex Diet

Posted by: on Jan 6, 2014 | No Comments

foods

Food and sex have enjoyed a hedonistic relationship ever since Adam and Eve tasted the forbidden fruit. Though scientists have shown that it’s a myth that aphrodisiacs work, our ancestors set great store by the sex in their snacks. The Romans guzzled grapes, Montezuma chose chocolate and the Europeans . . . well, they ate bulls’ testicles.

Sometimes sexual strength was assumed to come from eating foods that looked, tasted or smelled like a sex organ (oysters fit all three criteria). Though there is no specific magical ingredient, nutritionists argue that certain foods, eaten regularly over time, have a beneficial effect on libido and sexual ability. It’s worth noting that oysters, for example, are extremely high in zinc, which is vital for testosterone production.

If aphrodisiacs work, it’s because we want them to (in clinical trials on sildenafil, 30 per cent of the men taking placebo sugar pills reported dramatic increases in erectile function). In the right circumstances, any food can be arousing because the real vital ingredient is sexual chemistry. Sipping champagne at sunset in St Lucia sure sounds sexy, but not if you are with the wrong person. Suddenly, sharing a packet of biscuits under a candlewick bedspread in a freezing cold bedroom seems terribly romantic.

Sharing food and wine must be the most common act of foreplay on the planet, but though first dates happen in restaurants, lovers generally prefer to dine at home. Eating together can even help restore flagging sexual intensity and its cheaper than couple counselling. To make it really special however, requires rigorous preparation. The following recipe involves 30 hours of advance fasting,  to heighten your senses and help you lose a few pounds so you look even better wearing nothing but a slick of olive oil.

The Diet

Arrange a date with your lover for Friday evening. From Thursday morning eat nothing but raw or steamed vegetables, sesame and pumpkin seeds and fruit. Drink lots of water, lemon and ginger or ginseng tea. Keep yourself busy. Eating nothing is dull so fill your time with work and personal pampering.  Don’t forget to set aside time to shop for your ingredients. You will need foods to eat and foods to play with. You don’t want to end up sweating over a soufflé, so keep the menu simple. Opt for finger foods rather than a main meal: sashimi, oysters, asparagus with butter, caviar, gravalax, sour cream, blinis, lobster, tinned peaches, fresh mango, mashed banana, strawberries dipped in melted 70 per cent cacao chocolate, vanilla ice cream and sugared almonds. These should be washed down with ice cold white wine or, preferably, chilled champagne.
By Friday evening you should be ready to turn down the lights, turn up the central heating, cue the music and slip out of your pinny. If you have bought ready-prepared food, maintain the illusion that you are a domestic sex god / goddess by remembering to put all the packaging in the bin before your lover arrives. Things may get messy so put a table cloth over your picnic rug and don’t use your Egyptian cotton sheets.

As you have hardly eaten for two days, your salivary glands will be working overtime. This makes for good kissing, great oral and enhances the flavours and smells of both the food and the sex. It also means that your first sip of alcohol will rush straight to your head, making you feel less inhibited and more relaxed. The process of fingering fleshy fruits, shucking pearly oysters, smearing, smelling, dribbling and swallowing is so close to a sex act in itself that it’s no wonder chefs have such a libidinous reputation. Slurping champagne from mouth to mouth, licking globules of shiny black caviar off your lover’s erect nipples, the taste of vanilla, tongues and wetness are all guaranteed to make even the most straight-laced individual moist with anticipation.

Blindfold your lover and feed him or her from your mouth. Take one end each of a spear of asparagus dripping with butter and nibble your way towards a kiss. Pour olive oil over your lover’s shoulder blades and watch it trail down to the crack of the buttocks. Spread it over the fleshy cheeks and press your body up behind for full-body lubrication. Perch raspberries on a little whipped cream over nipples (spray cans of cream are more fun; they also come in Tia Maria and chocolate flavours). If using ice cream on the genitals, keep it in your mouth and alternate between the warmth of your tongue and the chill of the ice cream. Fill belly buttons with honey and lick it out. Spray white ejaculate over dark chocolate breasts.

* Health and Safety note: Use food on rather than in the body. That tinned peach will be a lot less attractive when it emerges next week. Enjoy!

Adapted from The Sex Book by Suzi Godson

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