36 Questions That Will Make You Fall In Love

Posted by: on Jan 12, 2015 | No Comments

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In 1997 the psychologist Arthur Aron carried out a set of experiments designed to measure whether it was possible to create interpersonal closeness between strangers.

The study built on previous research which had established that the key to the development of close personal relationships is “sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personalistic self disclosure” (Altman & Taylor, 1973, Berg & Clark, 1986, Collins & Miller, 1994, Dergla, metts, Petronio & Margulis, 1993, Dindia & Allen, 1995).

Aron devised a questionnaire which was designed to gradually build closeness and increase self disclosure over a forty five minute period. It was tested on groups of students in a number of different ways, but regardless of whether the students were matched for likes or dislikes, or whether they knew what the study was about in advance, the results were consistent.

Immediately after the interaction, 30% of the participants rated the new relationship as closer than any other relationship in their lives. Seven weeks later, a follow up questionnaire revealed that 57% of participants had had at least one conversation after the experiment, 37% had sat together in class and 35% had gone out together.

The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one. The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness and by the time you get to the end of the questionnaire it is impossible not to feel that you know each other more deeply.

To do the experiment with someone you know, or someone you don’t, print out the questionnaire and take turns reading out the questions. The reader must answer out loud first and then the other person responds. Try to get through all the questions.

 

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

• Finally, stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes.

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